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Why does your child now hate going to school? A psychiatrist explains the underlying causes.

Every parent faces the occasional “I don’t want to go to school” morning. But when it becomes a pattern, tears at the door, sudden stomach aches, or a child clinging desperately to you, it’s no longer about laziness or stubbornness. It's a more profound emotional signal that requires tact rather than coercion.

New Delhi

Every parent faces the occasional “I don’t want to go to school” morning. But when it becomes a pattern, tears at the door, sudden stomach aches, or a child clinging desperately to you, it’s no longer about laziness or stubbornness. It’s a deeper emotional signal, and one that needs gentle attention rather than pressure.

Dr Samant Darshi, Interventional Psychiatrist, Yatharth Hospitals, Noida & Director, Psymate Healthcare, spoke to us to highlight the importance of the matter. School refusal sits at the intersection of psychology, behaviour, and fear. Unlike truancy, where a child actively avoids school for thrill or rebellion, school refusal is rooted in genuine distress. It's "a reaction to emotional disturbance, usually anxiety, fear, or stress, not mischief," according to Dr. Samant Darshi. The first step in helping your child is realizing this difference.

Symptoms and indicators that parents should not ignore

Dr Darshi notes that the body often expresses anxiety long before children find the words for it. Common indicators include:

  • Frequent morning headaches, stomach aches, or throat pain.
  • Frequent morning headaches, stomach aches, or throat pain.
  • Repeated complaints about attending school.
  • avoiding days when there are exams, group projects, or presentations.
  • Spending long hours in the school nurse’s room with vague symptoms.
  • excessive worry over their parents' safety while they are away.
  • An important hint: once the child stays at home, these symptoms typically go away, only to reappear the following morning.

    What causes school refusal? The emotional foundations

    According to Dr Darshi, school refusal is rarely about one single cause. It usually results from a confluence of environmental and psychological factors.

    The four main causes

  • Avoiding negative feelings like anxiety, panic, depression, or learning difficulties.
  • Avoiding certain situations, such as bullying, tests, public speaking, or group work.
  • It is mainly attention-seeking or reassurance, particularly among children with separation anxiety.
  • Preferring comforting alternatives like staying home to play, rest, or pursue hobbies.
  • Other triggers include:

  • Social phobia or extreme shyness
  • Stress in the family (disease, disputes, addiction, or financial hardship)
  • Fear of unexpected stressful situations, school fights, or emergency drills
  • Dr. Darshi emphasizes that transitions, new grades, new schools, or significant life changes are frequently associated with school refusal.

    How psychologists identify school refusal

    A proper evaluation goes beyond simple observation because anxiety is internal and easily masked. Diagnosis typically includes:

  • A proper evaluation goes beyond simple observation because anxiety is internal and easily masked. Diagnosis typically includes:
  • Clinical interviews with parents and children
  • Academic background and observations made by teachers
  • Excluding medical conditions
  • What parents can do at this time

  • Rule out illness first. See a physician to make sure your symptoms are not physical.
  • Work with teachers and school counsellors. They are able to identify triggers that you might miss at home.
  • Promote gradual attendance. The longer a child stays away, the harder the return.
  • Remain composed and sympathetic. Steer clear of punishment as it can exacerbate anxiety.
  • Create predictable morning routines. Fear is lessened by structure.
  • A shortened school day, encouraging words, small steps, or a familiar adult at drop-off can all make a big difference.

    When is the right time to get expert assistance?

    Dr Darshi recommends mental health support if:

  • Symptoms persist for more than two weeks.
  • The child refuses, despite family efforts.
  • You notice signs of anxiety, depression, trauma, or withdrawal
  • The child expresses feelings of hopelessness or self-harm.
  • Early intervention helps prevent long-term emotional difficulties in addition to resolving school refusal.

    About 1 in 20 kids experience school refusal, especially during big school transitions. With patience, empathy, and structured support, most children go back to school with renewed confidence. Kids need understanding, not pressure. Healing starts when their fears are acknowledged and addressed.




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    Introduction: Ancient Wisdom for Modern Chaos

    Let me tell you something funny—I spent years avoiding the Bhagavad Gita because I thought it was just another religious text meant for temple-goers and philosophy students. Boy, was I wrong.

    It took a particularly brutal phase in my life—job loss, relationship drama, and that crushing feeling of "what am I even doing with my life?"—for me to actually pick it up. And what I found wasn't some outdated scripture. It was basically a 5,000-year-old life coaching session that hit harder than any self-help book on Amazon's bestseller list.

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    1. You Control the Effort, Not the Outcome (And That's Liberating)

    "Karmanye Vadhikaraste Ma Phaleshu Kadachana" — You have the right to perform your duty, but not to the fruits of your actions.

    This is probably the most quoted verse from the Gita, and for good reason. We're all obsessed with results. Did I get the promotion? Did my post go viral? Did my kid get into that fancy school?

    Krishna's basically saying: chill out. Do your job well, put in your best effort, and then let go. You can't control outcomes—there are too many variables, too many factors beyond your reach. But you can control how much heart you put into your work.

    I started applying this during my fitness journey. Instead of obsessing over the weighing scale every morning (which, let me tell you, is a special kind of torture), I focused on showing up to the gym consistently. The results? They came naturally. The anxiety? Gone.


    2. Change Is the Only Constant (Stop Resisting It)

    The Gita reminds us that everything in this universe is temporary. That job you love? It'll change. That relationship you're clinging to? It'll evolve. Even your problems—yeah, they'll pass too.

    We spend so much energy trying to keep things exactly as they are, like we're trying to pause Netflix in the middle of our favorite scene. But life doesn't work that way. Seasons change, people change, you change.

    The wisdom here isn't to become detached and cold. It's to embrace the flow. When change comes knocking (and it always does), open the door instead of barricading it with furniture.


    3. Your Dharma Is Your Superpower

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    Krishna tells Arjuna that it's better to do your own dharma imperfectly than to do someone else's dharma perfectly. In modern terms? Stop trying to be someone you're not.

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    4. The Mind Is Your Best Friend or Worst Enemy

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    I love how brutally honest this is. Your mind can be your greatest ally, helping you solve problems and stay focused. Or it can be that annoying roommate who keeps you up at 3 AM replaying embarrassing moments from 2014.

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    Start small. Notice when your mind spirals into anxiety or negativity. Don't judge it, just observe it. That awareness itself is powerful.

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    जय बाबा धुंन्धेशवर महादेव, कांगडा जिसका संबंध भी शिव की एक दिव्य शक्ति से है।