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Why does your child now hate going to school? A psychiatrist explains the underlying causes.

Every parent faces the occasional “I don’t want to go to school” morning. But when it becomes a pattern, tears at the door, sudden stomach aches, or a child clinging desperately to you, it’s no longer about laziness or stubbornness. It's a more profound emotional signal that requires tact rather than coercion.

New Delhi

Every parent faces the occasional “I don’t want to go to school” morning. But when it becomes a pattern, tears at the door, sudden stomach aches, or a child clinging desperately to you, it’s no longer about laziness or stubbornness. It’s a deeper emotional signal, and one that needs gentle attention rather than pressure.

Dr Samant Darshi, Interventional Psychiatrist, Yatharth Hospitals, Noida & Director, Psymate Healthcare, spoke to us to highlight the importance of the matter. School refusal sits at the intersection of psychology, behaviour, and fear. Unlike truancy, where a child actively avoids school for thrill or rebellion, school refusal is rooted in genuine distress. It's "a reaction to emotional disturbance, usually anxiety, fear, or stress, not mischief," according to Dr. Samant Darshi. The first step in helping your child is realizing this difference.

Symptoms and indicators that parents should not ignore

Dr Darshi notes that the body often expresses anxiety long before children find the words for it. Common indicators include:

  • Frequent morning headaches, stomach aches, or throat pain.
  • Frequent morning headaches, stomach aches, or throat pain.
  • Repeated complaints about attending school.
  • avoiding days when there are exams, group projects, or presentations.
  • Spending long hours in the school nurse’s room with vague symptoms.
  • excessive worry over their parents' safety while they are away.
  • An important hint: once the child stays at home, these symptoms typically go away, only to reappear the following morning.

    What causes school refusal? The emotional foundations

    According to Dr Darshi, school refusal is rarely about one single cause. It usually results from a confluence of environmental and psychological factors.

    The four main causes

  • Avoiding negative feelings like anxiety, panic, depression, or learning difficulties.
  • Avoiding certain situations, such as bullying, tests, public speaking, or group work.
  • It is mainly attention-seeking or reassurance, particularly among children with separation anxiety.
  • Preferring comforting alternatives like staying home to play, rest, or pursue hobbies.
  • Other triggers include:

  • Social phobia or extreme shyness
  • Stress in the family (disease, disputes, addiction, or financial hardship)
  • Fear of unexpected stressful situations, school fights, or emergency drills
  • Dr. Darshi emphasizes that transitions, new grades, new schools, or significant life changes are frequently associated with school refusal.

    How psychologists identify school refusal

    A proper evaluation goes beyond simple observation because anxiety is internal and easily masked. Diagnosis typically includes:

  • A proper evaluation goes beyond simple observation because anxiety is internal and easily masked. Diagnosis typically includes:
  • Clinical interviews with parents and children
  • Academic background and observations made by teachers
  • Excluding medical conditions
  • What parents can do at this time

  • Rule out illness first. See a physician to make sure your symptoms are not physical.
  • Work with teachers and school counsellors. They are able to identify triggers that you might miss at home.
  • Promote gradual attendance. The longer a child stays away, the harder the return.
  • Remain composed and sympathetic. Steer clear of punishment as it can exacerbate anxiety.
  • Create predictable morning routines. Fear is lessened by structure.
  • A shortened school day, encouraging words, small steps, or a familiar adult at drop-off can all make a big difference.

    When is the right time to get expert assistance?

    Dr Darshi recommends mental health support if:

  • Symptoms persist for more than two weeks.
  • The child refuses, despite family efforts.
  • You notice signs of anxiety, depression, trauma, or withdrawal
  • The child expresses feelings of hopelessness or self-harm.
  • Early intervention helps prevent long-term emotional difficulties in addition to resolving school refusal.

    About 1 in 20 kids experience school refusal, especially during big school transitions. With patience, empathy, and structured support, most children go back to school with renewed confidence. Kids need understanding, not pressure. Healing starts when their fears are acknowledged and addressed.




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    What Is the Real Meaning of Dharma in Hinduism?

    Discover the real meaning of dharma in Hinduism beyond duty and religion. Learn how this ancient concept applies to modern life, career, and relationships in 2025.

     

    I'll never forget the day my grandmother slapped my hand away from a second piece of chocolate cake at a family gathering. "Beta, this is not your dharma," she said sternly. I was eight years old and thoroughly confused. How could eating cake have anything to do with religion?

    Fast forward twenty years, and I'm sitting in a corporate boardroom in Bangalore, facing a moral dilemma. My boss wants me to fudge some numbers on a client report—nothing illegal, just "massaging the data" to look more favorable. As I stared at that Excel sheet, my grandmother's words echoed: "This is not your dharma."

    Suddenly, it clicked. Dharma wasn't about cake or religion or following rules blindly. It was something far more profound, far more practical, and infinitely more relevant to navigating modern life than I'd ever imagined.

    If you've grown up hearing the word "dharma" thrown around at family functions, religious discourses, and Bollywood movies but never quite understood what it actually means, you're not alone. Even most Indians use the word without fully grasping its depth. And forget about explaining it to your foreign friends—"It's like duty, but also religion, but also righteousness, but also..." Yeah, it gets messy.

    So grab a cup of chai (or coffee, I don't judge), and let me break down what dharma really means in Hinduism—not in some abstract, philosophical way, but in a "how does this apply to my actual life" way.

    Dharma: The Word That Broke Translation

    Here's the first problem: dharma is fundamentally untranslatable. Sorry, that's just the truth.

    The English language doesn't have a single word that captures its full meaning. We've tried:

    • Duty (too rigid)
    • Religion (too narrow)
    • Righteousness (too preachy)
    • Law (too legal)
    • Ethics (too Western)
    • Cosmic order (too hippie)

    Dharma is all of these and none of these simultaneously. It's like trying to explain "jugaad" to an American or "saudade" to someone who doesn't speak Portuguese. Some concepts are born in specific cultures and resist neat translation.

    The Sanskrit root of dharma is "dhr," which means "to hold" or "to support." So dharma, at its most fundamental level, is that which holds everything together. It's the cosmic glue. The operating system of the universe. The natural law that keeps planets in orbit, seasons changing, and societies functioning.

    But it's also deeply personal—it's what holds YOU together.

    The Four Layers of Dharma

    Hindu philosophy describes dharma operating at four levels, like concentric circles:

    1. Rita (Cosmic Order) The universal laws—gravity, seasons, life-death cycle. Non-negotiable. You can't wake up one day and decide gravity doesn't apply to you. (Well, you can try. Good luck with that.)

    2. Varna Dharma (Social Dharma) The duties and ethics related to your role in society. This is the controversial one because it got conflated with the caste system, which is a whole different (and problematic) conversation.

    3. Ashrama Dharma (Life Stage Dharma) Your responsibilities change as you move through life stages—student, householder, retirement, renunciation. What's dharma for a 20-year-old isn't necessarily dharma for a 60-year-old.

    4. Svadharma (Personal Dharma) Your unique purpose, your authentic path, your individual moral compass. This is the big one—the one that determines who you become.

    Most people only understand dharma at level 2 or 3—"do your duty according to your role." But the real power lies in understanding all four, especially svadharma.

    What Dharma Is NOT

    Let me clear up some massive misconceptions:

    Dharma ≠ Religion

    My Muslim friend Faiz lives his life with incredible integrity, helps his neighbors, and stands up for justice. He's living dharma, even though he doesn't call it that. Dharma transcends religious labels.

    Religion is the vehicle. Dharma is the destination. You can be deeply religious and completely adharmic (against dharma). You can be non-religious and profoundly dharmic.

    Dharma ≠ Blind Obedience

    The Mahabharata—our greatest epic about dharma—is literally 100,000 verses of characters arguing about what dharma means in complex situations. If dharma was simply "follow the rules," the book would be 50 pages long.

    Dharma often requires you to question rules, challenge authority, and make difficult choices. Arjuna questioning whether to fight his own family? That's dharma in action—wrestling with moral complexity, not blindly obeying.

    Dharma ≠ What Society Expects

    Society told Gautama Buddha to be a prince. His dharma was to become a monk and find enlightenment. Society told Mirabai to be a conventional queen. Her dharma was to be a mystic poet devoted to Krishna.

    Sometimes your dharma aligns with social expectations. Often it doesn't. The question isn't "what will people say?" but "what does my inner truth demand?"

    Dharma ≠ Easy or Comfortable

    Following your dharma isn't a Netflix-and-chill kind of path. It's hard. It requires sacrifice. It demands that you grow up, face your fears, and do what's right even when it's difficult.

    My cousin gave up a ₹40 lakh job at a consulting firm to teach underprivileged kids for ₹25,000 a month. Was it practical? No. Was it dharma? Absolutely. Is he happier? Immensely.

     

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